If Only
by SatoshiSasayan
Summary: A retell of the story in 5 different POVs. This is just a little summary for the anime. This is somewhat a Chisaki/Kaname and Tsumugu/Manaka story. If you can't stand that, then I suggest you don't read it. But if it doesn't bug you, please do continue to read it. This is somehow what I hope happened instead to the story. R/R :) rated T just to be safe


**Disclaimer: I do not own Nagi no Asukara.**

**A/N: Seriously, I don't think I can get over this anime ever. I've just finsihed watching it, and it's breaking me. This fic is just a little summary for the anime, written in each of the five's perspective. This is somewhat a Chisaki/Kaname and Tsumugu/Manaka story. If you can't stand that, then I suggest you don't reas it. But if you don't mind it at all, or if you're in the same boat as me, I do hope you continue. Sorry if this fic is filled with sadness. It's what I'm feeling right now.**

* * *

><p><em><strong><span>Hikari Sakishima<span>**_

_I always wanted to protect her, to keep her safe, and most of all, to see her smile. I'm pretty annoying, really. I treat her as if she's the dumbest and weakest person there is, but in reality, she's far beyond precious. She always cried, and perhaps most of it was caused by me. I'm pretty stupid, huh. It crushes the idea of me wanting to see her happy. What I really like about her though is that she never once hated me. Even if I acted pretty scary all the time, she never once disliked me._

I like Manaka Mukaido. I love her. This was the reason why I got so overprotective when that new guy, Tsumugu Kihara, appeared. I felt really special when Manaka said it was alright to see her fish curse if it was me who saw it. She said she'd be really embarrassed if others were to see her in that state. But well, the next day I found out Tsumugu knew about it. She was even happy about it. Heck, she was excited. She even lied about it when it was over. Perhaps she was doing it to make Tsumugu happy.

I did things that would somehow divert her attention towards me. I must admit, I didn't like how Tsumugu was becoming very close to Manaka. I can see her eyes sparkle whenever he laughed or talked. But… but… See, Tsumugu Kihara wasn't a bad guy. He was so kind to everyone, and he loved both the sea people and those from the surface. He even set up a pond by the school so we can stay on the surface much longer. I can see how Manaka was always so happy whenever he's around.

I hugged her. Once. Guess she wasn't exactly happy about it. And after that I hated myself. I hated why I wasn't able to control my feelings for her when I always handled it perfectly everytime I raise my voice at her. At that time, I was determined to let her go. I thought she loved Tsumugu after all. And seeing that she was happy about that, I changed my goal.

It was alright to me if Manaka didn't love me back, as long as she's there, smiling.

But I guess, somehow, I was just convincing myself that. When Kaname pushed me to tell how I feel about Manaka in front of the others, I said it without thinking about it. She ran away. I also found out how Chisaki feels about me. And I realized, I was too caught up on my feelings on Manaka that I didn't get to see how others saw me. Being honest, I like Chisaki, but I like Manaka more. Later that night, I saw Manaka. But see, she didn't ignore me. She didn't run away from me. She even told me she had something to say to me after the boatdrift ceremony, to wave the flag so no one would get lost.

But she was lost, anyway. That was perhaps the biggest joke ever.

After the hibernation, I was the first one to wake up. The first thing that came into my mind was Manaka. Other than that, it was like I stepped into a new world. I found out that I woke up five years after. Sucks. Everything's changed. Though I was glad that Chisaki was still the Chisaki I used to know, even if she was now taller and older than me. I was determined to find Manaka. I spent everyday looking for her. When I finally did, I was stricken because she wouldn't wake up. And Miuna said that what if she might not wake up. I got really angry at that. That won't happen. I won't let that happen.

And I was right. Because she woke up without having a chunk of her memories. We found out, she has lost her ability to fall in love. I hated that. My friends even told me there might not be anything we can do about it.

But we managed though, with the help of a white rock a sea slug spat out. That was then, I knew that she loved me back. Because all this time, I thought she had loved Tsumugu. And I never thought Tsumugu was in love with someone else. I found out other things too. About how Miuna felt about me.

It was then I realized. I always always lose sight of everything else when it comes to Manaka. That may be a bad thing. I have hurt other people because of that, especially those who had said they fell for me. I didn't know, really. I think I made it quite obvious I like Manaka from the start, so I was quite surprised when I found about Chisaki and Miuna. I wanted to say sorry for them, but not in a pitiful way. They are both great people, and they deserve guys other than me.

**I like Manaka.**

**And I did love her. Even to the very end.**

* * *

><p><em><strong><span>Manaka Mukaido<span>**_

Sometimes, I think Hii-chan is a very scary person. He always scolds me, and I couldn't ever see myself beating him in any way possible. But see, I never could leave him. I liked him more than he could imagine.

There was another guy, Tsumugu Kihara. He was a very wonderful person. When we first came into our new school, everyone didn't accept us. They made fun of us. But he was different. See, I've met him even before we were staying in the same class. It was the most unusual thing that happened to me. I was caught on a net, one where fish should've been. As I was lifted up in the air, I saw him. And I guess I wouldn't be able to forget our first meeting.

See, I fell for him. He saved me from drying up. He was my savior. He even found out about the fish in my knee, one I didn't really like anyone would see. But I guess it was okay to him, too. Because he didn't freak out and he didn't think it was ugly. He even tried to feed it. He was funny.

Other than that. He told me I was beautiful. I don't think Hii ever told me that. Perhaps that was why…

But I was confused because there was Hii. I look at Hii, and I see a hero from a comic book. He didn't back down easily. He was fierce. He was who I thought would save me whenever I get in trouble. Perhaps that is also why. That even when I've grown quite a liking to Tsumugu, the one for Hii's would always be bigger.

When he hugged me, I was scared. I was really scared, because recently I just found out Chisaki likes him. Chisaki is my friend, one of the best. I was a wimp, because I tried to push Hii-kun into her. But that only made her mad. She was mad about me. But I like her, because we made up easily. Just a Tomoebi is all it takes to fix that. I was never the strong girl. I was the one who always cried. She was always there for me, telling me things about Hii-kun not meaning it whenever he says something mean to me. So I was surprised when I found out that she liked Hii all that time.

I was confused. And I was pathetic. And I gave up my life during the boatdrift ceremony.

Perhaps that was a very stupid move. A very Manaka move. That stirred up a lot of trouble. But I couldn't just let Akari disappear. She was Hii-kun's sister. He loved her, and I can't let the sea god take that happiness away from him.

After the five-year sleep, I saw him again. He was the same Hii-kun. The same boy I always admired. But something's changed within me, though. That was because I didn't feel anything more than that when I returned. I didn't know a stronger feeling than that. That scared me.

I watched everyone around me. Chisaki has grown, but I didn't think she really changed in the inside. Tsumugu too, though I don't feel quite much about him. When I found out the sea god took my ability to feel love, that's when I knew.

I was very thankful for a little creature. A sea slug was all it took to help me. I was glad I talked to it about my feelings. Without it, I don't think I can ever be the same again, even if Hii was there. Because nothing will ever be the same even if I was with him everyday. It wouldn't be special if I forgot that I did love him.

I realized something, too. What I felt about Tsumugu was real. I really did once fell for him, because I forgot the thing about me lying about my curse. I knew I had my curse, but I couldn't remember why I was lying about it. I was lying about it because of Tsumugu.

_I love Hii._ Those words drifted on the sea for him to hear. And that was true. Really really true. I couldn't live without him because he was the sea. Without the sea, I would die.

He really did save me. He saved me and chose me, even if there were others who felt the same way about him. And I love him for that.

**Honestly, though. I wish nothing was changed. I wish I hadn't slept for five years. Five years is a lot. And even though Chisaki and Tsumugu and Akari and Miuna and Sayu were there to live on those five years in the surface, I think they lost something in it the same way we had.**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chisaki Hiradaira<span>_**

I often ask myself why could I never let myself forget about Hikari. I have liked him ever since he saved us from that deep and scary forest. I like him, but I know full well he liked Manaka. Manaka is my best friend, and I love her too. But Hikari…

But I guess there was something wrong with me though, because even if I liked Hikari, I wouldn't want anything to change. I want the four of us to still be together. I believe that if I force my feelings unto him, our build of friendship would topple down.

So I resorted into telling Manaka things. Telling her that Hikari really doesn't hate her, that he was just doing it to make her safe, and he's doing his best to make her feel happy. Because really, who am I kidding? That was the truth. That was the truth I can't deny since I can see it entirely in his eyes. My feelings for Hikari was perhaps the same level as his likeness to Manaka. And of course, I saw it coming. I knew I would lose. I wanted him as much as he wanted Manaka. And he always gets things. It was because he's amazing, and he's persistent, and he never gives up easily. Me, on the other hand, I resort to lying low. And really, nothing would change if you don't do anything. I lived on that spot, even if it would kill me.

Perhaps that was why I never really saw how caring Kaname was. When the announcement about the whole hibernation thing rose up, he confessed to me. He said he loved me. And honestly, I have no answer for that. It's because I was stupid. I had my eyes all set on Hikari, and Hikari's relationship to Manaka at all times that I didn't really see how much he has done for me. He was the one I was with whenever I felt sad. He knew me too well, but I guess I didn't know him at all. He even knew I was in love with Hikari.

And I like that about him. See, he knew I loved Hikari, yet he still confessed to me. Me, well, I knew Hikari loved Manaka, but it took someone else to push the confession into action. It wasn't my own will. It would've remain unsaid if it wasn't for Hikari chasing Manaka out. And Manaka wouldn't have ran outside if it wasn't for Kaname. He gave me the chance to tell the guy I like about it, yet I even got mad about him. He was probably lonely when he was left alone in that classroom. But one thing I knew about Kaname is that he is a strong guy. He can watch everything around him go wrong while remaining calm. I don't think I've ever seen him cry once.

I couldn't forget. _I don't want it to remain unsaid._ He said that at his confession.

If I could turn back time, I'd keep an eye on him. I was too blinded on Hikari. Honestly because of that, I am hurt all the time. I endured the pain. All for him. But sometimes I wonder that things would've turned out a lot differently if I noticed Kaname more.

Kaname… I want to say sorry to him.

Yet I can't even return his feelings properly. It would be easy to say, "I'm sorry, Kaname, but I don't feel the same way...Yet." He wasn't asking for a reply. He wouldn't even care if I didn't like him back. As long as he said his true emotions for me, it would be alright. Perhaps that was why I was keeping it safe. Because he said that, I clang on the no-reply mode.

During the boatdrift ceremony, Tsumugu fell on the sea. I helped him up. Even so, he would've died if it wasn't for Kaname. If he hadn't helped me pull Tsumugu up in the surface, I wouldn't have someone together with now. He even climbed up last.

I hated myself. I hated, hated, hated myself. It was because I turned my attention first to Tsumugu, who was already perfectly safe on the boat, and I didn't even pull Kaname up. Because of that, I made the biggest mistake. Because of that, he fell on the sea. I watched him get swallowed by the waves. I cried his name out, I cried so loud I must've been hoping my voice would give him wings to fly. And he was smiling as he fell. Why did he smile? Was it because he was strong?

No, it was because he knew I was safe. I couldn't stop thinking about my friends after that. Growing up five years without them is killing me. I was crying on the first nights. I thought about Kaname, I always did, and how much I hated why I let him get swallowed up by the sea. And I thought about Hikari, and how my feelings for him didn't falter even through those five years. And I thought about Manaka, about how I hoped she was alright and that Hikari had somehow found him, and that they are together, hibernating together in those five years.

There was Tsumugu, and he was always there for me. It was no surprise I fell for him.

No. It was a real surprise I fell for him. I've only been with him for five years. I was with Hikari and the others longer than that. Yet… yet… He was there. He helped me up. See, at first, I couldn't really stand Tsumugu, but he ended up to be the one who pulled me through those five years without them.

And when I found out that Hikari was awake, I didn't know what to do. I was too afraid to see him. No, I was too afraid to have him see me. I changed a lot. But you know, he said I didn't change. He said I grew up physically, but I was still the same Chisaki. Then later, Kaname woke up to. He was still the same way I remembered him, and he still looked wonderful when he smiled. I wanted to say sorry for him. I really do.

But I'm a coward. I suck at confronting my feelings to anyone. I think Kaname really hates me, because all I did was hurt him. Even after those five years, I didn't reply on his confession. But… but… he still looked at me the way you would at the person you like. I didn't understand Kaname. He didn't change at all. I liked that, because I was the one who really really despised the fact about change.

But it seems as though change betrayed me, because I ended up leaving my friends five years behind. And there was no way I can answer him this time. Not when I was starting to like Tsumugu. So I hurt him again. Again and again. Yet I think I still never saw him cry. He never did.

So now, I'm with Tsumugu. He said I was like the sea, and I knew how he loved the sea. And still, everytime I look at Kaname it's like I'm being pierced by an ice pick. I love Tsumugu, really. But still, if there was a different ending, one where I wasn't with him in the end, I'd be okay with that.

I want to turn back time. Really.

I even wanted to be the one who fell on the boat instead of Kaname. Or if that wouldn't happen, then I'd fall on that raging sea with him. So that I'd be given the chance to say what I really felt about him in the same image. So that I could've given myself a chance to look at him the way I looked at Hikari and Tsumugu. So that I can enjoy how much he's done for me and still see how sweet he was. Because really, he was a very sweet guy.

**I want to sink on that sea too. So that I wouldn't had left my friends behind, so that even when I lost five years, I've lost it together with them.**

* * *

><p><em><strong><span>Tsumugi Kihara<span>**_

The first time I saw her, I thought she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. No, I'm not talking about Chisaki, I was talking about Manaka Mukaido. She was so little, yet when she hang on that net and those shiny blue eyes stared back at me, it was like the sea said hello to me.

I'm not a really showy person, but I was really happy when she was in my class. I thought that I'd only be watching her from the side, since she had that boy with her all the time. That was fine for me, really. But then I saw her sprawled up on the ground, her eyes closed and her skin losing its shine. Of course I helped her. I settled her down in our bath tub, putting salt on the water to make sure her Ena would regenerate. And when those eyes finally opened, I couldn't stop myself from saying out loud that she was, indeed, beautiful.

Even the fish on her knee was beautiful. She got too worked up on trying to cover it, but really, I saw it already. And she was cute. I liked the way she covered up her mouth and talked like the fish on her knee the next day at school. Her leg has still has that handkerchief wrapped around it. I kind of knew she was lying about it, but I found it hilarious and went along with it. When she finally confessed and apologized about it, I laughed as hard as I can. And it wasn't a fake laugh, because at that time, I really felt glad that someone like her existed.

I even made a pond. Because seriously, I like the sea people. I liked the four of them. I wished they could stay more in the surface. At that time, I wished she could stay more on the surface.

I think I might be lucky, because I often found her alone. When Hikari wasn't with her, I was. Even when I didn't really hope to, she somehow ended up walking on the streets alone. And I somehow ended up being the one to find her. It seemed already unreal when she got caught up on my net. But the next days seemed weirder.

I've always been perceptive, and she was the first one to find out about that. As she sat behind me on the wagon, she talked about herself. I told her about her true nature, and she'd said I was someone who can see things other people can't.

I was perceptive that I even found out about Chisaki's likeness to Hikari. I think Manaka liked Hikari too, but I also think Manaka liked me at some point as well. To be honest, even if it was just a hunch, I wished Manaka did feel that way for me. Because… because somehow…I feel that way for her.

It happened twice see, her being caught up on the net. Those two events always burn in my mind until now. She talked about the sun that night, how she thinks that it's ever so distant, that even when she reached the surface, she can't touch it. Honestly, I expected she would tell me I'm like the sun or something. Then she told me about the sea as well. She told me about how she was able to survive life on the surface. It was because of the sea. It gives her ena, and that ena gives her the power to stay in the surface while enjoying everything with its beauty. And that sea, she compared to Hikari.

Well, it's not like I didn't see that coming. I was waiting for that moment, even. I knew that time would come eventually. I was waiting for it, yet I didn't want that to happen.

That's why when I found out about Chisaki's feelings for Hikari and that Manaka was there to hear it, it felt like I became part of something that started to change.

Chisaki was different. She wanted everything not to change, even if she knew that would hurt her. She was always quiet, yet I noticed she was fierce at times too. In that moment, I realized she was like the sea, the same way Manaka thought of Hikari as the sea. I have an immense likeness for the blue, that's why I stayed with my grandpa rather than in the city with my parents.

Manaka was the one who taught me about it. When she talked about Hikari, I swear I was trying really hard to still be myself at that boat. I tried not to fall behind on the sea. Though I think she'd save me even if I did. She showed me how to find the great points of a person. She showed me that I found it in Chisaki. Perhaps that's why I started to take interest on Chisaki.

Well, that, and of course…. Because I knew I'd be losing over Hikari if I pursued on Manaka. Because truthfully, at some point, she had been my sea. Perhaps she even became my sun. Yet, she had another sea within her. And even though I liked treading the waters, it doesn't mean it's safe. She had another sea in her life, and if I continued to like her, then I'd have an ocean in my life instead. That's a big scale, one I didn't think I could handle since we were just fourteen.

So the time skip happened. I didn't know. Maybe it was fate, but somehow life has given me more chances to spend more time with Chisaki and know her that well. And of course, I started liking her the more I knew about her. I can read her the way I can read the sea. I'm a bit selfish, because once I hoped that it would be alright if Hikari and the others never woke up at all. It was because I was afraid, and I knew that somehow that could keep Chisaki away from me, talking about Hikari and Kaname. But I was wrong, really wrong. I hated myself for thinking about that. Because I was beyond happy when I saw Hikari, Kaname, and Manaka come back.

Manaka… She never changed. I aged five years, and she's still fourteen. Perhaps that was life's way of saying _give it up, you can never be with her_. So I had to look at her as if she was just a friend. Besides, I have a growing fondness for Chisaki, and that's real.

As now, we continued to live the life. Chisaki and I were able to tell each other how we truly feel. I worked hard on trying her to admit it. Admittedly, I think I wasn't myself after the Boatdrift Ceremony. I was changed, the same way Chisaki did. So I have to go along with her. I was lucky, because I had her. Someone who was always there for me during the time I've felt alone on those years.

**If there's something I'd like to change, it would be that Kaname, Hikari, and Manaka never fell into the sea. I wished Chisaki and I could've grown up with them together. I swear, that would be really fun. That would be better. I think… my future would've been different if that happened instead. And I'm interested to see what kind of future that is.**

**It's because I missed a lot of things during the five years. Seeing that girl laugh was one.**

* * *

><p><em><strong><span>Kaname Isaki<span>**_

I didn't know if I was just stupid or I was just being truthful. I couldn't just let go of Chisaki Hiradaira. I know a lot of truths. I know my friend Hikari likes Manaka. Manaka may have liked him back as well. I also know… that Chisaki loves Hikari. It was all too bad for me, I admit. But would you be surprised to know that I was the first one to confess my love?

She was shocked when she found out, I guess. I can see it in her eyes. She dropped her ribbon. I like that about her, too. See, I never really needed a reply. It was okay if she'd never say she loved me back at that time. As long as I remained truthful to her and to myself, that's alright. As long as those words would not remain unsaid, I'm okay. Besides, I guess I was too far off anyway.

She had nothing in her mind but Hikari. Manaka, too, of course, but that's because she doesn't want anything to change. She stayed like that, hurting herself in the process, yet she never changed anything about it. She is, in fact, acting like her age. I like that about her, too.

I messed up one time. Because I think I couldn't take it anymore. I'm good at acting like I was okay, especially in front of her. Everytime I tell her that someday, she might find herself beside Hikari too, I swear I was killing myself. So at that classroom, when Hikari and everyone else was busy laughing, I forced him to say what he felt about Manaka. I wasn't myself that time. Honestly. Because of that, Manaka ran away, Hikari ran after her, and of course, Chisaki chased him off too. It was then that I realized I was digging my own grave, I knew that would be the time Chisaki woud tell Hikari her real feelings.

I was angry at myself. I was so angry I cried. I cried on that desk. No one was around me. If I think about it, I don't think she'd ever see me cry. I always did that whenever she was gone.

I realized, later on though, that even when I was already on the edge, I was even pushed further apart. I was now already hanging for my life. I liked Tsumugu, he was a very good guy. But I noticed his growing closeness to Chisaki. It sucks, really. I thought I could win over Hikari, at least, but I didn't think I can handle it if he came along, too. I became wary about him. I felt like I was Hikari the same way he looked at Tsumugu the first time. Sure, I was happy when Chisaki said she couldn't stand Tsumugu at all. But I knew, deep down, I knew, that even if she was the one who hated changing, the thing about her attitude towards Tsumugu would never stay the same.

At the boatdrift ceremony, I was proven right. It wasn't because she helped him up. No. Anyone would do that. It was the right thing to do. I noticed she couldn't make it though. She can't pull him up with enough strength. So I helped her. I pulled them both safely up the water.

I was proven right when I saw her turn her attention towards him even when he was already clearly safe. She went into him. He was unconscious, but he was alright, and I was having a hard time climbing up myself. The waves were too strong, and the boat was moving. Yet she didn't even help me up. Didn't even look back at me. I guess I'm just unlucky. The boat moved and alas, I fell into the waves. The last thing I saw before plunging into the water was her face, when she finally decided to turn around, and her mouth was screaming my name. Screaming, but I was already falling. And I was even smiling.

I should give myself points for that, huh. I was angry, and surprised, and disappointed at her, yet I still smiled.

That wasn't the worst part, I guess. When I finally awoke after the hibernation, I was scared. Really, really scared. I didn't know anyone. It was a nightmare that we slept for five whole years. I've missed that much time. I've missed that amount of time with her. I've missed her so… so much.

What's worse is that I was still fourteen. Way to go blowing my chances, huh. It's as if life was laughing at me. And I can't laugh with that. Not now. Not when I saw her, all grown up that the chance of me for her went from zero to negative. Not when she was growing really close to Tsumugu, even living with him. I have to thank him, though… But somewhere inside me, I hoped, I hoped that Akari would've taken her in instead. I know that was selfish, I know I'm selfish, yet… Yet…

She didn't change. Physically, yes. But I can still see her old self. Whenever Hikari spoke, even at his form, I can still see that glint in her eyes. Nothing has changed. And when she asked me if something ever changed in me, too. I said the same thing.

Nothing. And perhaps nothing ever will. Nothing will ever change between us two, and something is standing in front of it. And that something is going down, pushing my chance for her along with it, dropping. Because I was jealous. Perhaps it was wrong of me. I was five years behind. It was wrong to be jealous about her and Tsumugu.

But… but… I didn't choose that.

I didn't choose to lose five years just to go back to a life like that. I didn't choose to be left behind. I didn't choose to disappear.

I didn't choose to tell her I love her just for that.

It was unfair for me, but there was nothing I can do about it. Everytime the two of them talked, if I had the chance, I was leaning behind the wall while I listened to their conversations, felt my heart breaking down in tiny little chunks. And in those times I cried. I tried not to, but it's hard to ignore the truth, especially when it was right in front of my face. I cried, and she didn't see me still. She never witnessed it. She never even knew about it.

Perhaps I was the crybaby after all, not Manaka.

Chisaki still hasn't changed. Even after those five years, she still couldn't reply about my feelings. I joked about being jealous, telling her maybe I should try asking her out again. "_Kidding"_, I said.

I was dead serious.

I loved Chisaki Hiradaira. In those years I lived with her, I loved her. Even those five years as I slept, when after I felt like she betrayed me, I loved her. And I'm sure, if I was up there in the surface with her during the lost time, I would have loved her more.

I would've waited, and waited, and waited for her even if it took more than five.

I wished time never skipped. I wished it never happened. I wished the incident in the boatdrift ceremony never happened at all. Even when someone was there with me in the end. Even if I had been told like I am the tragic heroine of a manga by Sayu, when it should be hero. Even if I said that I would keep on eye on her starting from there... I still wish.

**That is my only wish. Because that would mean I would've spent five more years with my friends. Five more years with her. Because at that span, I could've tried harder. **

**And even if nothing would change, I'd still wish. I'd give all I have to prevent that incident to happen.**

* * *

><p><em>Done. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry if somehow they might be parts most people don't agree about, especially about Kaname and Chisaki parts. And because I really really hope the time skip didn't happen. It would've been nice to see where the story got too if that didn't happen. It's still good though :)<em>


End file.
